Bad

i want to do something bad.  Anything.  i don't have anything in mind.  It's not as i there is something i want to do but i'm not allowed to and i'm having trouble resisting the temptation.  i just want to do the wrong thing, to get in trouble, to have the security i always have right after Master punishes me.  

This from the same beast who wrote just a short time ago, and truthfully so, that she had never wanted so badly to be GOOD.  What the hell is wrong with me?  i feel like sybil!

misha imed me and we've been chatting.  It's been fairly superficial but i've calmed down a lot.  There truly is something helpful about dealing with socializing.