Whipping Posts

It's been a long and trying day and i imagine that's why i got as upset as i did so quickly.  When Master said to follow Him outside because He had to rez the whipping posts, i started to panic. i got a knot in the pit of my stomach.   My god, i hate those things!   Logically i knew that i wasn't in any kind of trouble and wouldn't be whipped this time.  It didn't matter.  

i thought He might whip kalli and i didn't want to see that.  i couldn't bear the thought of watching.  When He rezzed the whipping posts, i started to feel even more out of control.  i started crying.  All i do lately is cry.  But i couldn't even look at them... nor could i take my eyes off of them.

i wanted to ask Master if i could go back inside the club or to my spot but i was afraid he would ask why.  i was afraid that if he knew i didn't want to see the posts that He would say i needed to see them and remember it could be me up there.  But i could never forget that.  They terrify me.  i don't even know why but they truly do.

Honestly, if i was kalli, i'd rather have gotten the whipping over with than having it hanging over my head until tomorrow.  i'd never sleep knowing it was coming.  Waiting for a punishment is horrible.  i don't know how kalli feels about it but i could feel it on her behalf.

The only whipping i've ever witnessed other than my own was v's and it was mercifully brief.  It was excruciating to watch her up there and almost feel as if i was there in her stead.  Every time Master asked her something, i willed her to answer Him quickly and respectfully so that nothing would get any worse and it could hopefully end.  

i felt exactly the same way about kalli tonight. Every time she answered in a way that wasn't what might have been ideal like "okay" instead of "yes, Master", i cringed and willed her to correct herself, hoping Master would let it go.  Thank god He did.

When she was finally off the posts and hadn't been punished, i got up the nerve to ask to go to my spot and Master allowed it.  i haven't been using my spot nearly as much as i used to and i hadn't realized that until i asked Master to go there.  i don't want to be anywhere nearby if Master whips kalli tomorrow and, if i'm on SL, will ask Master if i can go there again.