Badly Timed Disaster

Okay. i begin a new job in about an hour and a half. Stress!!! The last time i had to begin a new full time job was fourteen years ago. 7/6/95 to be exact. It was the day i met my husband.

i am WAY stressed about the dogs while i am gone. i am used to being the only one who cares for them and, as much as i may find it to be an annoyance, i like it that way. i typed Master instructions that spilled over onto a fourth page and keep tweaking them. Stress!!!

i should have obeyed Master at one point and i didn't so He was going to get a whip. It was just a threat and would have been okay but i grabbed at His ankles and started playing and He fell and hurt His back. i hurt Him! And we don't have much in the way of painkillers! And He is completely out of cigarettes! Stress!!!

Then pink signed on again and He told me to IM her. she sent me a nasty NC. Among other things, it said that i'm a cutter and she's not because she's only cut twice in the past year. Well then she has cut twice as much as i have! i've gone as long as nearly three years between cutting and it shouldn't matter but it does. she KNOWS this is an area where she can hurt me. i've told her as much and blogged about it. So she did. Stress!!!

i had sent pink an NC which Master had read in advance and okayed for me to send. It was blunt but not mean or abusive. It even pointed out strengths of hers and her potential. i was being KM and had Master's permission. she accepted no responsibility for her conduct, just had a tantrum and ran away and Master is upset. Stress!!!

Friday is a big day for a couple of reasons and Master is having a grand opening of the new stables which sucks. He doesn't want to do it another day because He is trying to make sure everyone gets His time and i understand that. It's not as if i want to deal with the big day reasons but i don't want to be at a crowded sim on what is probably going to be my only weekday off for a long time. He said i don't have to be there but i will probably feel like crap if i don't help out. It's not as if i have anything better to do. i'm lonely. And right now being lonely especially hurts. Friday it will hurt more. Stress!!!

i have been crying nonstop the past few days for any reason or none at all. i am stressed to the point that my stomach is killing me and totally upset and i want to puke. i don't want to start this job. i don't want Master walking the dogs. i don't want Master's back to hurt -ESPECIALLY since it was my fault- and, since it does, i don't want Him to be without pain medication. i don't want Him to need cigarettes but, since He does, i don't want Him to be without any. i don't want pink to exist at the moment. And i don't want Friday to exist on the calendar at all.

There it is. my wish list. i hope it's not too much to ask.