So, to backtrack through the day... Master had told me to be on my futon by 5 am to go to sleep. Norman, romping around the backyard and refusing to come in, nearly made me miss that deadline but i wound up there at exactly 4:59 am. Whew! Master had ordered that i be up by 11 am. Normally when i do not have to get up for work, i sleep with ear plugs in and indefinitely. Friday night i hadn't done so because i had to meet someone from whom i was getting stuff off of Craig's list by 10 am and Saturday night i didn't do so because i again had to be able to hear the alarm to make sure i was up when Master said.
my weekdays usually do not include enough sleep and the weekends are when i play catch-up with it. i'm usually up WELL into the morning, one or two at least, and then get up at a 6:20 alarm. Even with naps, the weekends are basically when i NEED to get as much sleep as i possibly can or it just catches up to me. Without earplugs and in fear of missing my alarm, i do not sleep as soundly or for as many consecutive minutes before waking up for the absurdly frequent bathroom breaks which always interrupt my sleep anyhow. Factor in the dogs waking me to go out sometimes and i am inevitably sleep-deprived and have to get it when i can.
So, i'd been up at about 10:20 Sunday morning and hung around until a bit after twelve at which point, after touching based with v, i went back to sleep. i probably slept for a little over an hour but i'd been worried about doing so without word or approval from Master so, although it helped, it wasn't the most restful of naps. i was back online by about 1:45 and, as it turned out, in for a LOT of RP.
my avi had head-butted the physician and broken her nose (the physician's nose) during what was supposed to have been a routine physical Saturday. she had to go back yesterday for her second shot and wound up strapped to a cross, fearing a punishment brand, and spitting at the physician. There was a lot of serving and other RP as well as well as shopping and down time. v's impending arrival at Master's irl has much nervous excitement in the air.
During a serve, my avi turned her ankle in her haste and wound up breaking it, as pronounced by the physician in training. she found herself carried to the infirmary and put through an agonizing exam which actually led her to gain a bit of trust in this particular physician. There was lots of teasing interplay between her and v's avi among others. After all, crutches are not only for walking on. They are also for poking bratty sisters!
Okay, i need sleep and NOW. i'll complete this blog later.
THROUGH THE MAGIC OF BLOG TECHNOLOGY, IT IS NOW LATER.
Yesterday continued on with much of the same and wound up including numerous trips to the town where much of the Rp has been taking place. i was getting tired and ready to ask to kennel there was a huge influx of Free at the tavern we were in and i wound up being the only one there to serve. i was too tired, there were too many Free, they were asking for drinks i'd never prepared before, and i had to emote it all as done on a broken ankle. i got very flustered and upset.
Had i begged out of the serve, i probably could have avoided it but i didn't want to do that. Master loves to have me serve and i nearly always enjoy serving for Him. i didn't want to disappoint Him or give up the opportunity. As it turned out, another slave named elie entered and helped a great deal so i wound up not as bogged down as i had first expected to be.
Nevertheless, i was really spent afterward and my avi wound up running out of the tavern to vomit from the pain and then falling asleep kneeling beside Master's seat. i had just gotten really overwhelmed by the number of people there and been unable to follow all the dialogue during my serve so i felt as if i had even less of an idea of what was going on. Plus i was lagging badly so when i posted, there was a delay and i could never tell if it was making it to the screen.
i NCed the whole thing to read later but haven't yet. One of the reasons i want to read it is because i feel as if my serves are getting stale. One is too like the next. i want to read those of others for ideas as to how to spice them up a bit without having to break my ankle in the process. They are important to me and i enjoy them. i want to excel at them. There is so much i can't do on SL that makes me feel totally inadequate. i at least need to hone the skills that i do have.
Into the wee hours we continued on until finally we were back at Master's sim and relaxing peacefully. He and v were chatting privately, my avi was in His arms, i was taking pics, and i was simultaneously having the first recent IM chat with Pete during which i didn't feel defensive. i could have asked to kennel but the demands were light and, as tired as i was, i wasn't consciously aware of it any longer. i always love down time with only Master and v. It is safe and comfortable.
At some point, after a nice relaxing stretch of it, Master decided to switch avis and that we would all go back to the town yet AGAIN. i like the town, i truly do. It is the first gorean one i have ever liked on SL including Tampica. But i was WAY too tired to cope with anything more and, again, should have asked to kennel. There's an expression about calling a HALT, an acronym advising to get one's self out of situations if one feels excessively Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. i should have called a halt. i didn't.
i have seen Master in lots of different avis playing many different roles. Humans and vampires, different genders and gender-benders, Frees and slaves. It has gotten to the point that i thought i was comfortable with anything. i genuinely have been at ease with all of them for some time now and enjoy Master's company in some of those other roles nearly as much as i do when He is on as Master. But last night it was highlighted that the v and i "outrank" the slave Master currently is as one of His alts.
This was amusing for a moment or two as v and i harassed His slave avi, coni, and i might have managed it had we just stayed the three of us on Master's land. we wound up going to Victoria. That was where my head exploded. coni was totally obnoxious to v and me. What were we to do? In normal RP, if a chain sibling disrespects us and doesn't respond to our redirection, we take the situation to Master. This time, the slave in question WAS Master. So, coni twisted my broken ankle and i finally backhanded her, bloodying her lip a bit. It was more than i can take and sent me totally over the edge. i hid under the spiral stairs at the tavern and then TPed home when the region was about to reset.
i was angry and frustrated because i had no idea what was expected. i can RP with Master in a slave's avi. i have before with no problem. But when the slave's avi acts in ways that should cause her problems and won't, i have no idea what to do. The map showed others present but i didn't pan to see who from my roost beneath the stairs. If coni acts like that in front of those who don't know who is behind the avi then it reflects badly upon Master and that REALLY bothers me. i doubt she does but i wasn't certain elie knew the truth at first although it turns out she did. In any case, it was as if we had a bratty new sibling who with a carte blanche to do as she pleased. There was gray matter everywhere!
Back on the sim, Master started to tell me He was signing off to go to bed but He knew something was wrong. i was too upset to go into any detail without running the acute risk of posing to Him such probing questions as "What the fuck is your problem?" or "What the fuck do you want from me?". Being neither of these nor the others swarming my head seemed like a wise idea, i asked to delay the conversation about what was wrong. Master thankfully relented pretty quickly but, even though nothing was said or done, it felt very tense to me.
Without even realizing it, i must have bitten or picked at my cuticle until it bled and started wiping it in striations across the corner of a sheet of paper beside the keyboard. It was there when i awoke today and totally grossed me out. i wouldn't have even remembered doing it if i had tossed it in the trash last night. i hate that i do things like this. They make me feel even more disgusting and crazy.
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