The Million Thought March

There are a million thoughts running through my head right now so i guess i should give them space here and hopefully clear my head a little.

Of course Raptor is still high on my list of brain activity.

It is already WAY too hot here and i'm getting VERY upset about that and tonight Master actually CLOSED the window because He was COLD while i was dying because it is WAY too hot. There's no air and no cross-ventilation because the blinds are always closed so the windows being open does barely any good anyhow. i'm going to be MISERABLY hot until October and i'm more likely going to die a horrible melted kajira death before then.

my Master just got mad at something malfunctioning on His computer and banged His mouse hard and Archie got up and walked into the other room. It was just as he would have reacted back in NY when s started throwing or overturning things. my point here isn't about my Master. He is stressed and the computer frustration was an added annoyance. No big deal. my point is about Archie and how he's needed to learn that he may be unsafe if he observes certain things. He's not unsafe here as he might have been in NY but he doesn't know that and it breaks my heart that he's had to live with that insecurity. i didn't protect him well enough in NY. He was traumatized too!

He also looks miserable that it's so hot in here and i feel bad about that too. my shrink said years ago that i used to project my own feelings onto the rabbits i owned at the time. Maybe that's what i'm doing with Archie too. i'm just in a state of mind where i'm feeling guilty about a million things. Maybe the specifics don't matter.

i'm rambling and way overheated. i'm stressed and under-medicated. i don't know. There were tons of things in my head to say when i started this entry but right now none are coming to mind. It's too hot to sleep. i'm not quite sure what to do with myself.