Don't Know What to DO with myself

Was fine... or thought i was... upset with myself for screwing up but feeling like it would work out okay... eager to beg Master's forgiveness and deal with any punishment and hopefully just move forward... washed the dishes, took a shower... and now i just started thinking about my mother and burst into tears and feel as if she'll never speak to me again and i don't want to turn forty especially if she's not going to speak to me and i'm on borrowed time because Neal is dead anyhow and i don't want to wake Master, not that it's even POSSIBLE to wake Him, because He's mad at me too and because He's out of cigarettes until i bring Him home any later so i don't want Him to have to be awake without them any longer than necessary and the dogs have no food until i get home later and i feel guilty about all they don't have and i just want some kind of comfort but i don't know how to find any.