Willow's Sixteenth Birthday and Adult Wisdom

Mirei P
thats good...i was worried reading it. (This blog)

nouhandlefortoo
Why?

Mirei P
i know you can do so much better, and i wonder why you're holding back.

nouhandlefortoo
What you anticipate and what actually is are not the same.

Mirei P
but so much is going on...those were my own thoughts nou...its all justifiable.

nouhandlefortoo
Screwing up the best thing that ever happened to me is NOT going to be justifiable even if there's a lot going on
There are reasons for the struggles but that doesn't make them okay

Mirei P
you're right...and i know you can do better. But you're choosing not to whether you know it or not...and i refuse to believe that. Events going on in your life seems to balance the blame...but i've been here long enough to know that what you are doing is unacceptable.
...i look up to you all the same. i know things will smooth out.

nouhandlefortoo
If i could just do better, i wouldn't need a collar. i need Master to make me do better and the more obnoxious i get, the more i need that from Him. i hit a new low in obnoxious yesterday and He snapped right into Master mode and put a stop to it. That's why i'm so calm today. i'm not challenging Him. i know where the lines are drawn and am not pushing at them. This is what feels safe to me. It always has, even in my own head when i was a scared little eight year old. i'm not of the same mentality as most slaves, i don't think, but this works for me.

Mirei P
i understand you nou...but i think you need to fill in some of those lines for yourself...empowerment, freedom in your own closure. Master doesn't like hurting you, you know this.
you have to rather...things will even out.

nouhandlefortoo
He hates it. His hating it is what makes it so bad for me.

Mirei P
to see Him unhappy>
?

nouhandlefortoo
To know that i have forced His hand and pushed Him to do something that upsets Him, yes